I hate this words-->Hoping

Assalammualaikum..Anyeonghaseyo..Salam 1 Malaysia...first of all mlm ni aku tido sorang2 dlm bilik..since my twin at my grandma's so i kenelh tido sorang..feeling?best+takot?haha..nak takot ap ek?aku kene biasekn tido sorang2..klux nnt smpi ke tua takot nak tido sorang..secondly aku nak ckp yg aku jeles  sgt dgn girl yg mempunyai semua yg dye mahukn..even dye xpyh mnx pon dye dpt..aku tau aku xptot ckp bnde camni..but seriously aku jeles..knplh aku xdpt merasa kehidupan yg mcm tu?wae?wae?wae?tu je soalan yg aku tnye sejak akhir2 ni..tpi keadaan selalu dpt mempositifkn aku ni..i should feel so thankful wif i've got now..i can't ask more than this cuz aku x mmpu..Allah bagi kita sesuatu kesenangan dan kesusahan mengikut kemampuan kita right??so i guess ni jelah yg aku mmpu..now i wanna ask something..is it fun when we know that we gonna die soon?i mean kita tahu jangka hayat kita ni?tdi aku tngok drama korea ni..the main actress have cancer..and she only got 6 months to live..i feel so bad for her..tpi dye boleh buat ap je yg dye nak..dye boleh brcuti,boleh pki baju mhl2..boleh bls dndm kat org yg prnh buat jahat kat dye and etc..dye boleh buat sume bnde dan dye boleh dpt bnde yg dye nak..wah!!indahnye hidup mcm tu..xpyh fikir ap yg org len rase dan kata..sbb lps ni kita dh nak mati..best ke idop mcm tu?rasenye cam best tpi aku rase msti terseksa..mstilh terseksa sbb dye thu bile dye akn mati..mcm mana klu dye xboleh penuhi semua permintaan dye?msti rase nak hidup lebih lame kn?hmm...i'm thinking what it feel like..while i'm thinking about it lets get to the point..HOPING..i hate that word..cuz of what?cuz of everything..why i'm still hoping at him while i know that he never see me or look at me?he never ever see me..EVER!!cuz his heart is belong someone else..why this thing happen to me?well aku tngok ombak rindu ad satu ayat yg buat aku ingt smpi skrg:'WE AS A WOMAN WILL NEVER STOP HOPING'aku agree sgt2 ngan ayat tu..tpi harus perempuan?knp xlelaki yg brHARAP?well one more time keadaan mempositifkn aku..maybe that boy does not deserved me or i'm not deserved him?maybe aku deserve yg lebih baik drpd dye..aku xckp yg dye tu jht i'm just saying that dye bkan jodoh aku..sng cite..btolkn?dh xde jodoh nak wat came right?kite kene accept QADA' dan QADAR ALLAH..mulai hari ni kite kene terima semua ketentuan yg diberikan-NYA..well maybe i'm hypocrite cuz always ask people to accept what ever is happening cuz i cant accept the fact..but as a human being xslhkn untuk saling mengingati?i guess i've to pen off right now cuz my eyes so heavy...haha..it means now is bed time..hope to see you again my ONLINE DIARY..<3..xoxoxoxo..MMUAH..